So far from home

Marching Mizzou band camp has started in Columbia, Mo., and I am not there. It's good and bad. I don't have to re-learn (or teach) pregame and marching fundamentals in the scorching heat, but I also don't get to spend a whole week with 300 of my bestest friends -- especially my color guard girls and boys. Bittersweet doesn't even begin to describe the extreme pros and cons of this situation. Marching Band was about 70 percent my life; now it's not, and I have that much of a hole in my heart where it used to be. I realize that life goes on, but this is my first year away (far, far away) so give me a little break.

So I am trying to move on and be a grown up. I am doing pretty well: making money, paying my bills, making new friends and contributing to society. But just when I think that I might survive this growing up thing, something pulls me back down.

My friends have been getting engaged left and right, and that has been freaking awesome, but I found out today that one of my exes is doing the same thing -- with the very reason we broke up to begin with. A friend of mine put it plainly and truthfully: "For some reason you can never forget the assholes in life." She's right. I can never forget him or how he shaped who I am. I can also never forget his promises to me before he cheated. I should be happy for him and his 4-year-old, but I just feel sick. My only respite is that I am so far from home that I don't have to deal with any of this in person.

I guess this post is more on the "life" part of my life than the "design" part, but it is what I have been thinking about. I can't just ignore it.